Celebrity chefs and their chuffing cookbooks

This is a bit of a rant and a bit of dig at those glossy goddamn cook books where the likes of Nigella 'Yes I have put on weight' Lawson and Tana 'Gordon didn't help me with the recipes' Ramsay look glamorous and happy and relaxed whilst preparing, cooking and feeding their happy shiny children and wonderfully attentive husbands.... I mean just look at the expressions on their faces:

I tell you that is NOT the sort of look I normally see in the kitchen from Mrs.SAHD, the bedroom: maybe.. as I make the naked dash to get under the quilt (I wish........) but certainly not in the kitchen. And if I was ever to pull such a face to Mrs.Sahd whilst in the kitchen she would give me a right hook and send me back to work. I think they call that look 'smug' with a capital 'S'.

For example / here is a real-life example of how total bollux the whole idea is that people actually look like that in their (spotless) kitchens:

SCENE: KITCHEN

TIME: 7:55 am

I was trying desperately to listen to Nicky 'edgy' Campbell on Radio Bloke (R5L) talking to some American banking expert about the whole Northern Rock/Government loan issue and time is running out before Kid A has to be fed, pack lunch made, dressed and out of the house by 8:50... when I get double whammy with little prince demanding something to drink, NOT the apple juice I had just poured and Mrs.SAHD is questioning me about some social occasion or other in terms of times and dates... So I admit I cannot multi-task but all this actually does is stress me out.

And all I was TRYING to do was make the frigging porridge and with all this going on and, listen, this was only PORRIDGE ! Not Moroccan inspired chick pea and lamb tabouleh with fresh mint and bulgar wheat freshly cracked by the buttocks of an organic tribe high up in the Atlas mountains (ferrrgodsake).

This evening it was slightly better because I managed to captivate LP's attention with the dark arts contained on the cartoon network whilst preparing tonights amazing family meal which merges eastern cuisine with mediterranean colour... BLEURRGGHHH...

Christ knows what we'd eat if we ever had any more children. Actually I have decided this topic needs more input so next post I shall produce my own realistic version of the 'real' family cook book.

Rant over.

For now.

Comments

[Vitgin'OTR]

...which is exactly why the Sheila should stay home!

[Bob]

Well said Vitgin(?). Both those gals look like they're taking one for the team.

[SAHD]

Why thanks for the helpful comment Sid the Sexist!

[SAHD]

Dear Bob, when you say 'taking one for the team' - please be a little more specific.