Stay at home dad

Gathering storm...

Remember I told you some time back that Mrs.SAHD was pregnant? Well time has well and truly moved on and we're looking down the barrel of new parenthood some point in June.

I think most of the early part of this year I have managed not to think about the consequences. LP has been interested but in a high level theoretical sort of way. Now there is no mistaking the size of Mrs.SAHD nor the strange angular shapes that her stomach makes whilst she reclines on the sofa watching 'stenders.

LP's interest level has gone up a notch and now we talk openly about the 'NEW BABY'. I think LP is excited but I'm not quite sure he is ready for his mummy and daddy love to be cut, precisely, in half. I'm not sure that either of us SAHD-Os are quite sure what to expect either. I mean it has been five years since LP was ripped bloody from his mother's caesarian scar, looking like a pink angry yoda.

Actually, come to think of it, LP has only started to get really interested after we told him that the baby would 'probably' buy him a present. He's already chosen the required present (which somewhat takes away the surprise element but ho hum..) which is a big lego batman ..err.. thingy.

I have to go and pick up LP from school but this topic is an interesting one and so I shall re-visit it. In the meantime if you have any tips or hints for the smooth transition from 3 to 4 then we would all be very grateful.

Holiday blues

Addressing a private fear that LP and I would be stuck home alone for two weeks with no one to play with, I lined an ambitiously action packed easter holiday fortnight. I think I might have over done it as, even as I type, LP is lying on the sofa: a broken child... ! and I am just dang worn out. Worn out so I don't think this post will be more than a couple of paragraphs.

We swam every morning, visited friends, we 'lunched' every day at Wagamamas (literally..), went to London twice, visited the cousins. I ran the FLM and LP watched. Birthday parties, ice skating, cinema (Not sure that REC. was such a good film choice... still LP enjoyed it except for the nightmares ever since), London Eye, Wagamamas AGAIN and dog walking. Yes it was a busy fortnight.

Now we face the big return to school on Monday and I'm relieved! I'd forgotten what fulltime LP stewardship was like.

Actually it's been a pleasure and this kind of time spent with LP can never be repeated. See you all next week with a report on the new school term.

Parents' evening - the exclusive!

It went well.

The end.

I am very proud of LP, he is happy, confident and doing well. I feel the year at home has had a great effect on him and has made the transition to school really very easy and stressless.

Parent's evening

I've got to admit it, right now, that I am using the TV as a baby-sitter whilst I type this post. I don't think that makes me a bad person. They can learn alot from Ben 10 you know. I mean Little Prince has been at school all day and frankly, he is tired, or in his own words:

"Dad... I'm nackid.."

I think I am probably responsible for his use of the slang word 'knackered' and I almost choked on my redbush tea the first time he said it, I was actually proud and highly amused!

So anyway today's subject is parent's evenings or basically how to prepare for ... I wonder if I must dress smartly. I wonder if I should have a whole list of relevant questions to ask earnestly of the teacher. Finally, I wonder how I will take any negativity, after all, I take criticism myself very badly.

Then I got to thinking: LP is only FOUR and hey school at the moment is glorified playing wearing school uniform! Also, if the teacher sees me every day rocking up in odd socks and a crumpled dirty T Shirt then it aint gonna make any impact if she sees me looking uncomfortable in a suit. See I'm not the parent with the high-flying career in the city.. that's reserved for Mrs.SAHD. She can be the one to swoop in and ask the awkward questions and try and get LP promoted to the top set. I shall just stand back and try not to eat the biscuits (if there are any).

Any advice would be gladly received but you'd better be quick because the date for this milestone is tomorrow at 5:20 pm.

In any event I'll give you my observations after the event.

Annual Review

So it has been a whole year since I became SAHD. There have been ups. There have been downs. What have Little Prince and I learnt from the experience?

1. Dad is tougher than mum.

2. Dad is softer than he thought.

3. LP is getting mighty clever at persuading dad to do what LP wants..NOW!

4. Kids like being dropped off and picked up from school by their parents.

5. There is more to life than work work work... after all there is the School PTA!

6. One has to be 'known' to suceed in politics.

7. No matter how many cars you buy and sell you will never be content.

8. It is possible to have female friends.

9. Kids are great. Don't miss out. You'll never get this time back again.

10. Working part time rocks!

The highlights have been seeing LP flourish in a warm and thriving village community and then go on to a brilliant school with friends he made at nursery. Safe, secure and most importantly happy (bar the odd tantrum).

Home life is less of a battle field also.

No: "MY job is more important than your job..!" arguments anymore.

So overall a successful experiment and now to draw it to a conclusion I must return to the ranks of the working masses...

ONLY JOKING

Tune in, drop out...

Or, put another way, 'Techniques to filter out noise from children'.

As I sit here typing, I have just heard the following exchange between LP and his cousin,

"HE PUSHED ME !!"

[Insert a cacophony of wails, screeches and protestations of innocence]

"He upset me ... I didn't do anything.."

"SAY sorry.. NOW!"

Actually it is still going on right now. The wailing is probably the loudest bit. Both of them are crying and despite the office door being tightly shut, I can hear every grimace, feel every tear and virtually see the bright red cheeks stained with indignant tears...

So it brought to mind the techniques I have used and others have given me to drown out the noise and reclaim some aural territory.

1. Bose noise cancelling headphones. The Rolls Royce of noise abatement. A force ten tantrum wouldn't breach the soft leather earplugs as you lie back and really get 'in-to' that latest Amy Winehouse single.

2. Soft foam earplugs. The budget choice and a good one. Watch out for ear infections though.

3. Sound deadening materials. Usually the sort of thing used in recording studios and in cars but there is no need to stop there. Recommended materials (which come on a roll) for wallpapering the office include dynamat and raamat both about 20 quid a roll.

4. GO OUT for a walk or simply open the front door, step outside and relax. This is the most often utilised strategy in our house but it is often raining so not always the easy option.

5. Move to a bigger house, see earlier post.

Anyway, the argument seems to be on hold whilst a few fish fingers are eaten or, put more accurately, pushed aorund the plate and smothered in tommy K.

The sloe gin has already turned a beautiful shade of purple, life seems good.

Loser

Second place is first loser...

No prizes for second place....

I could go on. The shame, the embarassment. Did I come second.? err.. no. Did I come third.? err.. no. Did I come fourth.? err.. yes. Apparently it was a close run thing between third and fourth but I think the bearer of the bad news was just trying to make me feel better.

It's almost as bad as coming fourth out of fifth in the fresh produce section of the Village fete a few years back: even though in that case I did get highly commended. Anyway, all the others cheated in that competition as my courgettes were definitely within the prescribed six inch limit and ALL the others placed above me were over six inches and should have been disqualified (I know 'cos I measured them all..).

Anyway, I didn't come last, I was fourth out of five. And, some people did vote for me! Maybe there is some future for me as a school governor.

Ah.. well, their loss. I shall simply have to turn my skills to making money rather than giving my time away for free.

Embarrassing illnesses parts 1 & 2

Part 1

SAHD's progeny is now in the fourth week or so of his careful assimilation into Blogley primary. And just as Mrs.SAHD remarked to me smugly,

"You know, Little Prince hasn't been ill for absolutely ages..!"

I notice something that causes me great concern. I'm standing by the swings on one of the last warmish afternoons of the year and the year R kids (both new and old friends) are swinging around, sliding down the slide: you know basically doing what 4 and 5 year olds do, when LP comes swaggering up to me. As I often do I ruffle his hair (which his mother likes to keep long) and I glimpse something.. down there amongst the golden curls.. I blink and re-focus desperately trying to think of alternative explanations....

Yes you guessed it: the nits are in town! Unbelieveable, that is the size of the little critters! I seek instant expert advice from PD and Slim, I notice the Doc and all the others flinch and move six inches away from me and the kid. Diagnoses confirmed. Play over. Chemist visit here we come.

(nb: techniques for nit removal and a general discussion on the subject find links here www.getridofthelittlecritters.org )

Part 2

"Oh...OK, just come with me round the poo... OOhhh...! ahh, never mind.. that's right: get it all out.."

Round at Glamourous G's house utilising the pool and fabulous garden (Oh I'd much prefer to be in an office poking people on facebook - NOT). LP's mate and notorious gang leader of the 'Bentley Massive' and Slim's youngest has now just puked at my feet.

I feel honoured. I just wish he'd listened to me just before when I said,

"Look if you're feeling ill MAKE SURE YOU'RE SICK IN THE BUSHES AND NOT IN THE POOL"

You see: his face turned, he started that dribbling from the mouth thing and before I could manoevre him over to the bushes to retch he had spewed in spectacular style all over and in the gorgeous pool. Next few minutes spent frantically mopping and washing away (with pool water) hoping no one came home and discovered the embarassing illness episode.

Look down, notice my feet in a pile of puke. Strangely warm. Maybe I'll remember that next time I'm going home after closing time at the local on a saturday night. A sort of 'instant' warm-up.

Anyway, LP has avoided catching this particular leprosy bug but lots of the others haven't. Ironically, the whole of the Doc's family got it. What's in a name eh? Helpfully, I remarked to her that,

"At least she'd lost a few pounds.."

I'm all charm me.

Ding-a-ling...!

So LP started school.

A mixture of pride, disbelief, fear and emotional turmoil (well that was Mrs.SAHD anyway) as number one son stood on our front doorstep and had his photo taken in his new school uniform. The uniform that bearly fits him. The Uniform that he is sooooooo proud of. The uniform that says my son is growing up.

Hugely impressive turnout on day one by both mummies and daddies. The dads looking awkward - 'cept me of course - the women, mostly tearful, except for those who have elder children and therefore this whole palarver is old hat (Slim - you know who you are).

Little prince nonchalant. Strolls in, high fives the lovely classroom assistant: Miss P and plonks himself in front of the computer as if he owns the place. I like it. Means the last nine months of careful bedding in and cultural awareness training have paid off! The boy is secure and happy. I'm happy. I'm proud.

Some things I have been neglectful of. In the Playground chat on the first day of term all you hear is:

"Oh no..! I never sew them in: always use the iron on type.."

Or

"Uptil 2 am this morning frantically sewing the labels in..!"

Sadly LP is living with the humiliation of his PE kit NOT being labelled... I am humiliated. There are some things that men just can't do and planning the clothing etc. labels blah blah yada yada yada ... yawn... is something I no have the skills for. Apologies. Hey anyway someone may inherit byTHEFT LP's lovely new PE shorts.

Mrs.SAHD is livid.

I live and learn.

Three is the magic number...

Or is it..?

Strange phenomenon this one and something that all the other mothers seemed to know about but not me.

Little prince's bestest cousin in the whole wide world came down for the day and we had the pleasure of one of PD's kids to BBsit for the day. Now there's me naively thinking what a great opportunity for three like-minded boys to have a whale of a time all day... boy was I wrong.

Little prince basically became the most jealous boy out there when it came to sharing his cousin, no more best mate games with PD's poor fella and lots of exclusionary tactics. I was shocked. Normally, he is a pretty inclusive (altho' bossy...) kid and this was, like, strange.

So maybe I thought this was a one off? but NO. The next day, we met up with one of his other NCT friends (yes, daaahling we are middle class...) for a walk in the woods and LP did the same to the poor little blighter. Much tears all round from former friend and absolutely no remorse from the chosen one.

I was upset. I didn't want a mean kid.

TheN I spoke to the women and each and every one of them said,

"Oh yes... three: it's a very difficult number - never works..."

Well, you learn something every day. I never knew THAT.